A place for all the hard pet convos no one prepares you for.
Resources for every brand of grief
(even when no one died).
rehoming a beloved pet
You have every right to grieve a pet that is alive, but no longer "yours."
Shoshana Mostoller, MSW, VSW, SRM Connections, LLC
To the grieving parent,
I don’t know your particular circumstances, but I imagine this is not a decision you made lightly, or without some level of shame, and maybe even heartbreak.
Despite our best intentions, sometimes life happens,
and we find ourselves in situations we could never have imagined.
We can do everything right, and face barriers that outweigh individual choices.
Or know something now that we didn’t know then.
Or love our pet and be unable to live safely with them.
Rehoming is not a personal failure.
It is not a reflection of your love.
Your worth as a pet parent is not defined by one moment in time.
Sometimes the most loving choice is the hardest one to make.
Letting go doesn’t diminish the love and care you’ve given.
It doesn’t erase the bond you shared.
Allow yourself grace as you navigate this next chapter.
I see you, and I’m deeply sorry for your loss.
As a society, we need to expand the narrative.
Bring compassion over judgment.
Look deeper. Challenge assumptions.
Resist the urge to fill in the blanks of someone else's story.
In our society, losing a beloved pet to rehoming can be a stigmatized and often misunderstood loss.
We tell ourselves we would never do that.
We firmly believe we can overcome any obstacle to keep our pet.
But what if, as a loving pet owner, we couldn’t?
Even though I’ve been in animal rescue for over 20 years, it wasn't until I began working on the other side of the adoption desk and saw families struggling firsthand that I realized the heartbreaking realities we face.
Until I found myself in a challenging pet relationship, which taught me you just can't "train" a behavior out of an animal, I couldn’t have ever known.
And now that I know, I can’t unknow.
And it’s changed everything for me, including understanding the very real dangers of owner shaming. I’ve learned three very powerful realities...
Most people don't go into pet ownership with ill intent, nor do they intend to leave it that way.
Life happens.
No one expects they will find themselves in a difficult situation, yet here they are.
We can’t responsibly judge someone’s life circumstances based on our own.
When we have resources and support to fall back on, it’s hard to imagine a reality without those safety nets. Access to resources - emotional, physical, financial, time - is not equal.
Guilting people with the phrase, "Forever Home," is dangerous rhetoric.
Of course, this is the ideal outcome and the hope we bring into pet ownership.
But when we stop the conversation at “Forever Home,” we enter dangerous territory.
We turn it into a moral issue. Something to be deeply ashamed of.
A personal failure. An unforgivable act.
When we imply pet ownership must last a lifetime- hard stop, no exceptions- we ignore the very real challenges that can exist within pet ownership, and the reality that sometimes rehoming a pet IS the most appropriate option.
When we end the conversation here, we leave all parties at risk.
Rather than shutting down the conversation, let's keep it open-ended.
Ask Questuions. Offer support. Options.
This is where we find solutions and invite compassion.
The thing is, when a pet is suffering, it’s likely their human is too.
And when we default to shaming a person who is already deeply struggling, we only add another layer to their pain.
Until I witnessed loving pet owners leaving the shelter with an unattached leash or empty carrier, unable to catch their breath through their tears, I couldn’t have known.
In a world where we aren't privy to the behind-the-scenes takes, most of us can’t.
Stop by the blog to continue the conversation.
from the blog...
Rehoming Pets - Beware of the Comments: I Worry We Are Shaming People Away From Seeking Help.
On Pet Loss: Is It a Betrayal To Stop Crying?
articles.
Sometimes Rehoming Your Dog Is The Right Decision
audio/video.
Rehoming Your Dog? Coping With Guilt & Grief When You Have to Give Your Dog Away
Your people are out there.
Find resources for individual and group support here.
Please note, this page addresses all of the emotions associated with this unique loss.
For concrete rehoming suggestions, please visit rehoming resources.
Visit the solution center to learn about financial and behavioral resources that may help keep your family intact.