Chasing Butterflies: A Dog’s Legacy
Updated: Sep 15
Circa 2002: I briefly traveled to Israel during my sophomore year of college. During that trip my best friend and I met a musician who we quickly found out lived in a neighboring town to ours in America. I instinctually commented, “Small World!” He corrected me, “It’s not a small world. It’s huge, infinite. We just get pushed in the right direction.” From that day forward those words became a part of me. I wore them like an invisible tattoo and for better or worse, I took solace in this idea. Years later I would learn that this includes the pets we are meant to meet, who often appear in our lives completely unexpectedly.
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Circa 2018: After losing my soul dog, Tovi, I found myself drowning in a rabbit hole of Google searches for phrases like "ways to cope with pet loss," “how do I stop being so sad,” and “when to get another dog after losing your soul dog” – all the answers we look for before we realize grief doesn't have a handbook.
Somewhere along the way, I stumbled upon “Chasing Butterflies” by Jordon Frank of Frankly Speaking; a song and music video he wrote for his dog, Keys, three months before Keys died of Lymphoma. I teared up as the song awoke dormant emotions that have become harder to access as time passes. It felt like a warm blanket that I couldn’t take off. Like a teenager grieving a relationship ending, I spent hours listening to it on replay, playing my own video in my head of my life with Tovi. It was the sole balm I found that captured the essence of the human-animal bond and the depth of the relationship we share with our pet.
Click above to play Chasing Butterflies!
I had to find this man. I had so many questions. How did Keys come into his life, why didn’t people think it would work out, what milestones did they experience together, how did his grief manifest, and most importantly - Did he ever adopt again and if so, what was that experience like for him?
Jordon and I spoke on a beautiful September morning from our respective porches in Maryland and Ohio. Despite the miles that separated us and not knowing each other, it felt as natural as reconnecting with an old friend. Talking about love and loss brings up the raw stuff that comes with life; the things we don’t say when people ask us how we are and reply with what feel like obligatory social pleasantries. I’ve found that the unconditional acceptance and love we receive from our pet is often the gateway to which we learn to how to be vulnerable and connect more authentically with others.
“Everything happens for a reason,” Jordon told me.
What started out as a memorial to Keys ended up touching the world in a way he never expected by resonating with millions of grieving pet parents (over 2.5 million at my last peek). He has created a legacy that aligns with his core values that the most important things in life are not things, but the relationships and genuine connections we create. While the song tells the personal story of his relationship with his soul dog, it is written in a framework that gifts people the opportunity to insert their own memories into the lyrics. The bolded text are lyrics from the song that write this chapter in Jordon’s life.
“When I first saw you, I knew I had to take you home; you were my angel set from above to set me free.”
Jordon was 22 when Keys came into this life. As a young, aspiring musician he describes his day job as, “picking up poop at a dog park.” But it was there, that life landed him in the exact place he needed to be. On an otherwise ordinary, day, a woman appeared at the park hoping to find homes for a litter of brindle puppies. Jordon, who always goes for the underdog, felt drawn to the single black and white puppy, and without giving it much thought, took him home.
“My friends they argued, I couldn’t raise you on my own…But I was sure that you were meant to be with me.”
He laughed as he told me texted his roommate to tell him he had just gotten a dog. His excitement was interrupted when his roommate was adamant about not having a dog; between travel for his music career and carefree lifestyle he couldn’t see it working. Crushed, Jordon put up an ad on Craigslist and immediately got a response from a man who was eager to adopt him and planned to get him the following day. Spoiler alert…that never happened. Jordon spent one night with the 8-week-old lab mix and knew they were meant to be together. He appropriately named him, ‘Keys,’ after his love of the piano.
“Let’s get in my car and, I will take you for a ride; go to the bar and greet all the customers inside.”
The naysayers were wrong - Not only did Key's not blow up Jordon’s life, but he expanded it. And the profound bond they shared grew Jordon in the process, making him feel complete in a way he had never experienced before. Key’s laid-back - almost human-like - demeanor naturally led them to go everywhere together. They kept each other company during the long drives to Jordon’s gigs and Keys even made appearances on stage when the venue allowed. Bars? Keys came too, everyone knew and loved him.
“Through all the hard times, you were right there by my side; and when I needed answers, well I just looked into your eyes.”
Jordon speaks openly about his struggles with depression and anxiety that began in his mid-early 20's and describes Keys as saving his life. As soul mates do, Keys came into Jordon's life at the perfect time. He gave Jordon a purpose and a reason to get out of bed in the morning, and most importantly a loving companion to just ‘be’ with him, whatever mental state he was in. Jordon explains how dogs don’t have the expectation for us to be happy all the time: "They understand emotions in a way humans never will.” As a performer, on stage, he portrayed the persona that's meant to come with that line of work. After the show was over, that mask came off and he was “back to his own scary thoughts.” But with Keys by his side he wasn’t alone with them anymore.
“I won’t forget all that you’ve done for my life.”
A few years into their relationship, Keys, a healthy 5-year-old dog, began to grow increasingly lethargic. His once hearty appetite decreased, and most frightening, there were moments he would collapse seemingly out of nowhere and with no apparent cause. It was an emotional roller coaster for Jordon to see improvement followed by decline - the seductive, "one step forward, two steps back" dance of anticipatory grief. Keys was diagnosed with Lymphoma and given only a few months to live. During this painful time, together, they found comfort in music. Keys would lie under the keyboard while Jordon sang to him. His favorite song was “Puff the Magic Dragon,” which Jordon tells this musically naive author is a song about a boy and his imaginary friend who go everywhere together. Keys was his living, breathing "Puff." With Keys by his side Jordon wrote, “Chasing Butterflies,” and together they filmed a music video during what would be their final three months together.
Like many of us, while processing loss, Jordon experienced moments of regret, guilt, second-guessing the end-of-life care decision – all the places grief takes us. But he came to realize that the ultimate act of love is letting go when it’s time, a sentiment he finds great comfort in. He explained, “Grief is something that needs to happen, but people don’t like to be without something.”
These words moved me. Losing something can bring us back to a type of primitive state. Like a child having a temper tantrum, we fight to hold onto a past that is no longer, and have a hard time accepting change. While Jordon describes grieving “hard” after such a tremendous loss, he took comfort in knowing that Keys wouldn’t want him to stop living life to its fullest. “That chapter in my life came and went.” He describes it as a chapter he will never forget while also honoring Key’s memory by moving forward and writing the next chapter in his life.
Jordon explained that dogs understand life and death in a way we don’t, and they don’t waste their time here on earth concerned with others opinions of them. “Dogs aren’t embarrassed about anything – they fart and poop in public, they express their emotions with their voice not afraid to tell us what they need – they just live in the moment.” Through Keys example, Jordon learned to live in the moment. "For the most part, with some exceptions, dogs don’t know what is coming next so they don’t have the opportunity to ruminate. “Anxiety is produced by fear of the unknown and not being fully present in the moment. I’ve learned to make peace with anxiety rather than fearing it, and to live life fully despite it. I tell myself, ‘You’re not even there yet,’ and to take things day by day.”
Conversation centered around the love and loss of a beloved pet has a way of softening us. Jordon speaks candidly about his struggles with depression and anxiety, and that authenticity shaped a conversation about our shared journeys through mental health.
Jordon recommended I watch the video, "I Had a Black Dog, His Name Was Depression” by Matthew Johnson, which has been meaningful in his life. It is a short video about a man who suffers from depression, which he metaphorically refers to as a “Black Dog” that follows him everywhere in an attempt to hijack his life. At the end of the video, the character makes peace with the dog, which is symbolized by a loving embrace, and incorporates the dog into his life rather than fearing it - ultimately learning to “tame” the “Black Dog.”
I couldn’t help but see the dichotomy of Jordan’s experience with his “Black and White” dog, who brought only light into his life. Key's colors remind us that the range of human emotions can co-exist, and his presence protected Jordon from his inner black dog taking over.
The Next Chapter.
Getting another dog wasn’t on Jordon’s radar. He appreciated this time of being “single" and not having the weight of centering his life around a dog as his career in music was growing. But two years later, much like the way Keys came into his life, he met Reese. A friend had just rescued a litter of puppies from horrific conditions, and upon meeting this crew - in his own words - he “impulsively” took home the 6-week-old German Shepherd/ Doberman/ Rottie mix.
However, their relationship didn’t unfold like the Hallmark love story he shared with Keys.
It wasn’t long before he questioned his decision to adopt Reese. He didn’t form that immediate bond the way he had with Keys – their relationship was more “complicated.” Reese had some challenging features, and he found himself comparing the dogs. There were times when he didn’t know if he could do it and thought about rehoming her. When I asked what stopped him, he simply replied, “separation anxiety.” He was Reese’s person and the one she trusted and depended on, much like Keys was to Jordon. “She wasn’t as adaptable as Keys and didn’t do well when left with others, and I couldn’t do that to her.” The unconditional love he received from Keys prepared him to take on that role for Reese.
Reese was affectionate in a different way than Keys and had this extraordinary ability to sense any distress in Jordon and followed his lead. “If I wanted to lie in bed all day, Reese was cool with that and if I wanted to go for a walk, Reese was cool with that too.” Reese was by Jordon’s side through some of the lowest moments in his life and she kept the “lows from getting too low.” He quickly came to realize that their differences weren’t a bad thing. “Change is scary, but change is beautiful.” Like Keys, Reese also travels with Jordon and has become a part of him that he couldn’t see living without. His love for Reese radiated through the phone. As if she knew we were talking about her, I heard soft barks in the background and Jordon reciprocating by lovingly talking to and petting her as an expression of his love.
Unlike my experience, Jordon never felt that bringing Reese into his life complicated his grief or brought resentment. He attributes this to having two years to heal between the dogs and reflects that his pain wasn’t as raw at the time he met Reese. But more than any formal timeline, I believe the “when” to bring another pet into the space Beloved Pet once filled requires an emotional readiness that can only come from understanding it isn't going to be a sequel - or even in the same genre, perhaps - and asking yourself if you are going to be okay with that,
I rebounded into a relationship with my New Dog, without the understanding that the shape of our bond was never meant to be the same. I took the long, winding back roads, and lots of detours to reconcile that every time we fall in love, it's – by design - a completely different experience. Knowing that “That” exact brand of connection can never be duplicated was both a heartbreaking and beautiful reality.
I’ve also come to believe that the love and bond we share with any one pet is influenced by who we are during that chapter of our lives and the role they fill. I’d like to think that just like humans, we are pushed in the direction of any one pet when we need them most.
Jordon sadly acknowledges that as time passes, memories of Keys aren’t as clear and easily accessed as they once were. I am haunted by this reality too. I could feel the emotion in Jordon’s voice as he described the experience of reflecting on Key’s life as opening old “memory banks.” While we may not remember the details of every moment or quirk as clearly, we never forget how their mere presence made us feel.
I can only hope that Keys and Tovi were also pushed in each other’s direction and are up there reminiscing about the great times they had with us here on earth. I hope they are happy to see us smiling again, happy that we were able to open our hearts to another dog, and that they are proud that their legacy has been an impetus for us to give back to others with our words. But most of all, I hope we live in their hearts as they live on in ours.
-Written by Elizabeth Weiner
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I am at a loss for words! A beautiful and heartwarming story told by one of the best storytellers. Your blog post brought back memories of my beloved Rosie that I thought I had forgotten. Having adopted another pet a year after Rosie's demise, I couldn't help but wonder why my memories of Rosie seemed to be fading. Thank you for making me cry (in a good way) and nudging my memory to remember what was.